When I found out that I was pregnant with Marissa I was quite shocked/surprised! We had talked about more children, but with each of the others we had planned them and this one came along sooner than I would have planned.
I was overwhelmed! I had just moved to a foreign country, far from anyone I knew for my support group. I would now have 5 children and two under two! Hannah had JUST had her 1st birthday earlier in the month that I discovered I was pregnant. I took the pregnancy test on Dec 30 - Bill's birthday so I made him a birthday card that said Surprise! on the front and Happy Birthday Daddy5 (to the fifth power) on the inside. The 5 was really teeny tiny, so it wasn't totally obvious. I handed him the card with his presents, he opened up the card, looked at it, and sat it to the side. After he opened one present, I handed him the card back. He said, Ive already read it, I told him no he hadn't. He looked at it and sat it down again... so once again I handed it back to him and he had to really look it over to see what the 'Surprise' was! I cried, and he hugged me and said everything would be alright, and that Heavenly Father must have wanted this baby to come at this time. I am So thankful for a wonderful supportive husband/father of my children.
To top everything else off, my Expected Due Date was on LABOR DAY!!!! the injustice of that on top of everything else was just the icing on the cake! I decided the only good thing about being due on Labor Day, was that it was in September and that meant the birthstone was a Saphire! That could be worth it... ;-)
Having already had two baby's at home, I had no plans of going to one of the two military hospitals available to me in Japan. (Even if I wanted to go to the hospital, each was at least a 1 hour drive away from where we lived, without traffic - it could easily take up to three hours to get there,with typical Japan traffic, and I had no intention to get in a car for a three hour drive while in heavy labor, and would most likely not make it anyway with my birth history.)
I cried, and wondered how I was going to be able to birth this baby, with the kind of help and support I needed! I had already had one baby unassisted, (Sariah), but I knew that wasn't what I wanted to do. I liked having a support group of women to assist me in birth. Also, though I had faith and trust in my body to be able to birth this baby, I still would much rather have a knowlegeable trained birth assistant/MW to assist me. I was in Japan, and I don't speak Japanese! I was used to living in my own little American Culture Military community and didn't go out on the economy for health care. I didn't know how or where to start searching or if it was even a possibility to find someone Japanese to help me.
I do remember searching on the internet and I found the name of a Japanese Midwife, but I didn't know exctly were she was at, how to find her, and I was so afraid of trying to even contact her thinking about the language barrier... I gave up.
I went to my monthly prenatal appointments on post. At some point, the OB nurse would ask at each one where I was planning to deliver at? The Air Force Hospital at Yokota Air Base, or the Navy Hospital at Yokosuka? I would usually answer with something like, I dont' actually have to make up my mind until I'm actual IN labor, right? I can go whereever I want at the time. Well... yes, but they like you to choose so that you can go to one appointment there. I told her I didn't want to drive 3 hours just to sit in an office for who knows how much longer to finally get in to see a Dr. I might NEVER see again, just for their benefit of me having made a choice. In my head I knew I was never going to go to either, so what did it matter, really.
As time went along, I tried to think of having this baby unassisted. I'd done it before, but didn't want to do the whole thing and be completely responsible for everything again, all by myself. I liked feeling pampered and taken care of and supported in birth. I didn't know if I had the energy to do it on my own. Bill wanted someone else to be there, that was trained, and knew how to handle anything that might possibly be a bit unusual.
Finally I asked if we could fly our wonderful Midwife to Japan. I contacted her and though she was on sort of a sabatical, from Midwifery for a time, she agreed to come for my birth. We purchased her ticket. She was planning on spending 3 weeks with me in Japan.
Oh, the peace and calm so that I could prepare for the birth, without the stress of indecision, lurking in the background.
I continued on with my regular prenatal visits, and the nurse became more and more irritating. I tried to just ignore her, but it is difficult when you are pregnant and the emotional roller coster that I was on made it difficult. I didnt want to lie, about my plans, I just tried not to let too much slip out. I did the basics, and continued to be undecided about the place of birth...
I remember taking Rebekah in to the clinic to the Dentist one hot August day. For some reason we ran into the Head of the Hospital (small post, so it was really just a clinic) on our little Army post. Being very pregnant, some comments were made. I didn't figure he knew me from anyone... I don't know why I knew who he was for that matter.
After the dentist apointment, I went to my friend Liz's to get the other kids. We were there when Bill tracked me down, and let me know the news.
I sat stunned and sobbing, as her told me the events of the afternoon...
'The Military Powers That Be' had figured out my plan... I had been fairly open and honest with my Family Practice Dr. that I'd been seeing for most of my prenatal appointments. He was a member of my Church, and a friend/aquaintance. He told me later that when they'd come to him and asked him point blank what my plans were, he couldn't Lie to them, and had to answer that I was planning on a home birth.
SO they had talked to 'legal' and contacted their main headquarters for hospital stuff, etc in Hawaii, and had come up with that having my Midwife come from the states would be illegal. They told my husband that they would ban her from coming on post. He was under direct orders that I was NOT to have my baby in our on post housing. Furthermore, they told my husband that as soon as I went into labor, he was to call the hospital/clinic and they would send the ambulance to transport me to one of the military hospitals, an hour away. He questioned them, and asked, why couldn't he take me in our privately owned vehicle? They told him, that 'If I ended up having the baby in the car on the way there, they would ASSUME that we had gone against orders, and had our baby at home then put me in the car and drove me to the hospital.' Basically they told him he as an Officer in the United States Army couldn't be trusted, and he would lie to them.
I was a mess... I fell apart. I couldn't understand how they could do that to me and force anything on me like that?!?!?! Poor Rebekah felt guilty for having had me be at the clinic that afternoon, and running into the Head of the Clinic. As though that had set the chain of events in motion. No they had been planning this for some time, working on it.
It was Friday afternoon, I was 38 weeks pregnant, and my Midwife Katia, was flying in on Monday... I didn't have a lot of time to fight this! I didn't know how to fight it! I was pregnant and hormonal and an emotional wreck! We caled Katia and told her everything, and she called the airline and postponed her ticket for the time being...
That night I couldn't take it anymore... they were pitting my husband, my love, against me! They had threatened that if we went against orders they could send me and the kids home from Japan and of course he'd have to stay and finish his tour there alone. I didn't know what to do. Bill was trying to work things out. He called and spoke with the main OB nurse at Yokota Air Base hospital, to try and see if we could get them to work with us, to accomodate the birth we planned and wanted.
Of course when I arrived at the hospital I would be required to get an I.V. and be stuck to all the monitors continuously (I didn't know quite as much then about getting around some of these things as I do now - since they are not necessary) stuck in the bed, and all of the other hospital interventions that I didn't want. When we asked if our children would be allowed to be with us, we were told that the older girls could be with us for labor, but when it came time for the birth, 'there just wouldn't be enough room for them to be in with us and they'd need to go out'. Well, this was absolutely not acceptable to us. We veiwed birth as a family affair. I know this may sound strange to many, but for us, it is how it is.
At my first home birth, Rebekah and Amanda were with us as labor began (or so we thought), and after taking walks with them in the wagon around the neighborhood to see if we could get things moving along, they were sent to bed. They were awakened at about 2 in the morning within 20 or 30 minutes of the birth, with their sleepy eyes, sitting on the couch in our living room holding Sariah. The next morning as we snuggled up in bed to sleep, the girls would come in and out to kiss and love on their new baby, and then they'd go off to play. It was so sweet. They still feel like they were there for her birth. They were there for Hannah's birth, and Rebekah was one of the first to touch her sisters head as I delivered her. They had been a big part of the pregnancy, and wanted to be there! When they heard that they wouldn't be allowed to be with us for the actual birth it was very upsetting to them. And again, Rebekah felt like it was somehow her fault.
I knew that as things were at that moment, if my husband had any knowlege of any plans that I had, he could get in trouble. I decided I needed to go for a walk. I left the house, and began walking and crying and thinking and plotting. I wondered if there was a way I could go camp out somewhere and just have my baby somewhere in the woods, all alone. Then at least they couldn't be mad at Bill, right? I was a little out of my mind at that moment. I felt a bit like a caged animal that had no choice in anything in my life. I walked and walked and walked for several hours that evening/night. I thought, if I could walk and get labor started, then just keep walking, and finally arrive on someone's front doorstep just in time to knock on their door as I delivered, then once again, Bill couldn't get in trouble. I was desperate! Of course looking back on it now, some of the things that were important to me to have (like family, and a support network, etc), weren't part of my crazy plans, but by then I felt like I had to take a stand somehow, and not let anyone force me to do things I didn't want or need.
I wrote a long article - letters to the editor - to send in to the Stars and Stripes Newspaper, about how they may as well lock me in chains and take me to jail, and cut the baby from my body, for as much choice as they were giving me! I wrote about how my husband, and we as his family, have faced separations with the risk of him losing his life to protect other peoples rights. Where were my rights??? It was pretty scathing... Bill wouldn't let me send it.
That afternoon after talking to Bill while I was at my friend Liz's house, we sent out back and sat and talked (her backyard had the neighborhood playground in it), and we talked to several of her neighbors as well about my plight. One of her neighbors was Japanese - married to an American. She knew of someone who had birthed with a midwife. I was afraid to even hope or ask my husband for more $ money... since we'd already paid for our Midwife Katia to fly to Japan (a ticket that never ended up being used, and was a complete waste of quite a bit of money). I didn't know how much more I could ask of my husband. I was so torn up inside! I didn't actually tell him, but he found out and said of course we'd do whatever we needed to do to make it work.
Saturday morning I got a phone call from Liz's Neighbor. She had contacted her friend, found the midwife's information and called her and made an appointmetn for me on monday morning.
I was nervous, and still afraid of the language/communication barrier. Bill had a young mother from work come with us as a translator. Naomi had a little boy Renji, just a bit older than Hannah and was expecting her 2nd baby the end of Oct. She went with us, filled out all the paperwork for us (since all the questions were in Japanese), and went in with us to our initial appointment.
We explained our situation, our birth history, and our desire to not go to the hospital at all, and in an ambulance no less. She had no commitment to me, and yet she opened her heart and her birth center to us, at the last moment. What a relief. When Bill went back and talked with the Hosp. Commander that afternoon and told him we'd found a Japanese Midwife and a birth center literally 5 minutes from post, he was glad we'd found something, and even managed to get it paid for. YAY!!! something positive, finally. (Of course Tri-Care will pay for a home birth with a CNM, and in other countries, it will pay for a licensed or registered Midwife and a home birth, so I shouldn't have been too surprised, but it was just such a relief.)
When we met with her, she showd us a photo album of some of the births they had at the clinic. There were pictures of several water births. I was interested in that as an option.
I began going to my prental visits at Nozomi Clinic with the Midwife Hideko Suzuki san and unfortuneatly with all the stress I think it effected me and I went past my expected due date on labor day Sept. 2nd.
The second week when I arrived for my prenatal apointment, the midwife assistant said I needed to have my baby, they were tired. I thought, ya, like I'm NOT tired?!?!?! Then I realized that they had been setting up the birth tub for me everynight, and waiting for me to go into labor... I couldn't believe it! these sweet women were trying to accomodate me and my labor history and were just waiting for me.
On Sept. 5th I started having some labor contractions a bit stronger and more regular (timeable) than my braxton hicks contractions that I had for months. They were 7 minutes apart, and I wondered when to think it was real or not. Sort of weird for a 5th time mom... but I'd never been in labor with a contraction that wasn't basically producing a baby! 7 minutes apart? what was that about? After 2 hours, they stopped and I went to bed.
Two nights later, I noticed some contractions again, and we were watching a movie as we got ready for bed. I kept coming out of the bathroom, (I was brushing my teeth, washing my face, etc. etc,) and looking at the clock on the VCR. Bill noticed my behavior and asked what was going on. I told him I was having contractions 7 minutes apart again. After an hour they moved up to 6 minutes apart. I thought, oh great, what do I do now? when do we cal the midwife to tell her we're on our way, when do I wake up all my kids to take them to unfamiliar territory, and hope they don't cause too much trouble. (we'd asked at our first appointment with the midwife, if our kids could come with us, and she said, yes, yes!!! Well at the 2nd apointment I asked if freinds could come (I had a 21 month old!!!, and 4 kids that might need someone there for them), Susukisan, said, "kids yes, friends - NO!" I said, who would help with my little one? she said, your husband. I said I wanted him to be there to help me. she said, she would help me.)
I left Bill to sleep, I went downstairs and got on-line with my Home Birth message board group that had been such a big support for me over these crazy months of trying to figure out how to plan for our birth. I said I thought I might be in labor, but who knows... I'd never had false labor before in my life with 4 other pregnancy's. So I wasn't sure about these now 6 minute apart contractions.
I went back up to bed, and Bill and I were talking about what to do. Was I in labor or not? then my water broke... we knew that we should get the show on the road! Bill went to wake up the girls, and when he went in Hannah woke right up and didn't act tired at all, and almost seemed like she knew it was time. We got everything, and little bags of things to keep the kids busy, toys, and snacks, etc... and off we went. When we got to the birth center they were filling the tub for me. It took up the majority of the main room in their clinic.
In all of my labors I have labored (until I arrived at the hosp with my first two and they put me in a bed), upright, and I would brace my hands on my knees durring a contraction and do a sort of squat. The midwife said it was similar but that Japanese women would do more of a wide legged open squat like a Sumo Wrestler. ;-) Suzuki san rubbed my back, and helped me deal with the contractions until the tub was filled enough for me to get in. I had envisioned myself laying back and relaxing in the tub in labor, as I'd seen in pictures, etc. NOPE! Not for me! my body told me that I HAD to be upright on my knees for each and every contraction! That was new and different for me. The tub wasn't exactly padded and it was on a hard floor underneath, and my knees started to hurt. Suzuki san, could see this, and as she was the one 'helping me', she was in her bike shorts and a t shirt, and was in the tub with me... she scooted up right behind me and had me sit back on her lap a little bit, and she woud rub my knees in between contractions to help relieve the discomfort in my knees. It was very sweet.
Some of my fondest memories are of my little family coming in and out of the birth room, They would get me drinks of water, rub/pat my shoulders, wiping my brow with a cloth, etc. At one point Sariah was sitting there singing softly in her sweet little voice a couple of primary songs. :-) I could tell things were getting intense, Hannah had a big diaper blow out! Bill was holding my hands sitting in front of me (outside of the tub), and he left to go change hannah's diaper. When Bill left, Rebekah got right up in front of me, and she held my hands, and told me that she was there for me, and that I could squeeze her hands as hard as I needed to... it was alright.
Oh what a special moment that was, and that memory etched into my mind of my daughters there helping me through birth, and seeing how normal birth could be.
I remember started to grunt and make birthy noises, and thinking, 'where did he go?' 'doesn't he know the baby is coming?'
He hurried as fast as he could and was back in the room fast as lightening really. (I think he could hear me and knew he needed to hurry). Hannah had messed up her jammies, so she was wearing just a diaper. I began to feel her head, and reached down and touched her head. It was so incredible, to feel as her head inched its way out, so slowly, little by little. The midwife had posters hung up with words to songs on them all around the birth room. They were of course in Japanese, but one was in German! I thought that was interesting. She explained that she has her Japanese women 'sing' while they are in labor, and it heps them, so she has the word to several songs written up on posters. As I labored and birthed Suzuki san began humming and it was clear she was trying to get me to 'hum' along with her. I guessed it was because I couldn't sing in Japanese ;-)
When we left for the birth center we had also called our friend/translator Naomi, not that we needed a translator at that point. We were
able to communicate well enough, with her broken english. She came, and I got the impression that Suzuki san considered her a 'friend' and tried to get her to stay out of the birthing room on a couple of occasions... however Bill kept bringing her back into the birthing room (we figured she had helped us and if she wanted to see an out of hospital birth before having her baby the following month, she could be there). She asked Bill why the midwife was humming and trying to get me to blow through the contractions. He explained to Naomi that it was so that I didn't push to hard, and fast, so that my body had time to stretch and for the head to be able to deliver without any tearing. She thought that was very interesting (the next month as she went in to deliver, she told her Dr. she did not want an episiotomy, which I guess they've picked up from western medicine and do them routinely on all moms and it isn't questioned. She breathed slowly and birthed her baby without any tears, and was thrilled at how much better her recovery was from that birth than from her first baby where she'd had the episiotomy. She thanked me for allowing her to attend my birth and to learn that it could be different and that she took action and helped herself from what she'd learned.)
As I delivered my baby and pulled her up and out of the water to hug her to my chest, we didn't know what we were having, and Suzuki san actually said it was a boy (at first). Granted she was behind me and I had the baby up front with me and she really hadn't seen anything! I think she just wanted us to have a boy so bad, after 4 girls, she said it was a boy! Nope, it's a Girl!!!
I had an episiotomy (not needed, just standard practice where I delivered at in Germany), with my first baby. With Amanda I had had a small tear, no stitches needed, but because of the coached count to 10 pushing -push, push push! and the position the Dr put the bed in so I pushed her out UP Hill, I had a lot of bruising with a small baby - 5 lbs 9 oz. With both of my home births I had good births, and no tearing, but birthing in water, I was amazed at how much better my body felt and how good my healing was after the birth of my biggest baby 8 lbs.
Hannah who was standing by the side of the tub, wearing only a diaper, pointed and said, "Baby!, Baby! Baby!" That was her name for the next several days/weeks. When Hannah woke up the next morning that the first thing she would say and she'd come to find the baby to give her hugs and kisses. Very sweet!
After I got out of the tub and delivered the placenta, the midwife held it up and showed the kids, and said, "Look, this was your baby's house, where it grew before it was born!" I thought that was so cute! What a neat way to think about it... the baby's house. The midwife assistant (who also happened to be named Naomi), washed and dressed the baby in her cute little outfit that we'd brought with us. Then they got us set up a room to recover. They had the tatami-mat floor, and futons to sleep on. They brought in enough for my whole family, so that we could stay together, but by this time it was about 4 in the morning, and the kids were too wired to settle down, so Bill left Rebekah with me as my helper, and he took the other kids. He had a neighbor come help get them off to school (it was picture day so she did hair and stuff) and he came back to get us.
They brought me breakfast - I don't know if this is typical Japanese breakfast, or if this is postpartum food or what, but they brought me a tray of food. It was Miso soup, rice, fish, and tea to drink. Well... I don't like fish (or didn't at that time), and certainly wasn't interested in it for breakfast!!! I sipped on the miso soup, and ate the rice. I think there may have been some sort of fruit and I ate that. I had to ask for water. I was very glad that on our first meeting, I'd asked her how long I would have to stay after the birth (I like snuggling up in my own bed with my baby). Normally they keep mom's for around a week I think I remember. She told me 6 hours, I said fantastic! When Bill came back to get us around 8 am we were free to go! The midwife or her assistants would come to our home daily for the next several days to check on me and the baby. They would bathe her, weigh her, and check her out. It was great!
I still would have liked to have been at home for the birth, and I missed not having my midwife and friend - Katia - there with us... but it was a great birth and so much more than if I'd been forced to go to the military hospital. I was so greatful for Suzuki san and her concern for me and my family, and the wonderful care that I received.
Oh, and when Bill had gone to India the month before when I was 36 weeks, he bought me saphire earrings and necklace. When he brought Marissa upstairs he placed them in her lap in the car seat, so when I got up the stairs after arriving home after her birth, that was my surprise. How wonderful!
Well, that is the long crazy story of your birth. I should put down how we ended up naming you... but after this LONG post, I don't have the energy. Perhaps tomorrow.
Happy Birthday sweetheart! I am so happy that Heavenly Father sent you to our family. and I'm proud and excited for you to be baptised next week. I love you!
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3. Marissa KICKS! She is now a 2nd degree Blue belt in karate! 
6. She likes to write special songs for her sister. 
Today we were sitting eating dinner, we look over, and one of my sweet darlings, is eating with her fingers. Now, I suppose you could try to say it might have been a finger food, it was fried potatoes after all... however!!! they were not french fries! They were slices and fried in the frying pan. 
